i haven't even hit the road yet, and i'm already having fun. i went over to my ex's place to use her camera to take some pix of the papermobile. that's what the rustmonster is being upgraded to: the papermobile.
anyhoo, i saw some renters (it's a condo complex) across the yard. they were scoping me out, and i thought i heard somebody say something about whether or not i live there. turns out i don't, but do still have keys. i don't much care what these yokels think, especially since they always clog the visitor spaces like assholes (classic tragedy of the commons...). But regardless of who, somebody called five-oh.
the cops roll up, and i start laughing. not at the cops, but that somebody actually called. so as dude was rolling down his window, i'm laughing and saying "somebody actually called?" so he runs through the q and a, till he's happy that i'm not illegal or threatening or whatever. then he tells me to 'carry on.'
i'll post the pix soon. i wish i had asked the officer(s) to take a pic of me and the car. i would have liked to ask if i could take their pix, but that might have been pushing it...
Friday, April 27, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
chemically imbalanced
maybe its cause i been drinking too much, but my attitude sucks. maybe i drink too much because my attitude sucks. cause and effect are tuff sometimes.
right now i'm mad because i have gone thru a super american ordeal. i had two pairs of shoes that had tread seperate so i took em back. really i was trying to get better running shoes each time. and i thought i had it locked down. but i went running and now the ball of my foot hurts.
i fully realize how petty these concerns are in the face of conditions almost everywhere else. but my foot still hurts. maybe that makes me a bitch. so be it.
right now i'm mad because i have gone thru a super american ordeal. i had two pairs of shoes that had tread seperate so i took em back. really i was trying to get better running shoes each time. and i thought i had it locked down. but i went running and now the ball of my foot hurts.
i fully realize how petty these concerns are in the face of conditions almost everywhere else. but my foot still hurts. maybe that makes me a bitch. so be it.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
manipulating...stuff
so what i really wanted to say was that I think what she meant was that at a certain level of niceness, he has shown a propensity to be manipulative:
ma·nip·u·la·tion (m?-nip'y?-la'sh?n) pronunciation
n.
1.
1. The act or practice of manipulating.
2. The state of being manipulated.
2. Shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage.
[French, from manipule, handful, as of grain, from Latin manipulus, sheaf, handful. See maniple.]
that's from answers.com. i meant to look in a websters. i used to have an abridged oed, but that was two states ago. maybe its at the rodgriguez'?
anyhoo, i had to get this 'on paper'. get it? i don't think manipulative necessarily implies getting someone to do something they don't want. It may even be worse to manipulate someone into doing something they want to do. Deviousness is not a value we open celebrate, except in the cia. unless we're training this kid to be a spy. if you only knew how funny i am...
the first 'manipulative' that popped up on a google was from wikipedia. but i would have had to go to the disambiguation page. lololololol you cant make this stuff up.
i dont mean to be smug or overly assinine. but i guess thats part of it. when i have to have this conversation somebody gon get they feelins hurt. and sometimes you gotta suck it up and be something you hate if you think that's the best way to help somebody that needs it more (the help that is, not the hate).
manipulation pt 2
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Tools for Handling Control Issues
Eliminating Manipulation
Content:
* What is manipulation?
* Manipulative Behavior Inventory
* What are the negative effects of manipulation?
* How is manipulation a control issue?
* What irrational thinking leads to use of manipulation?
* Ways to eliminate manipulation in your relationships
* Steps to eliminating manipulation in your life
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is a set of behaviors whose goal is to:
*
Get you what you want from others even when the others are not willing initially to give it to you.
*
Make it seem to others that they have come up with an idea or offer of help on their own when in reality you have worked on them to promote this idea or need for help for your own benefit.
*
Dishonestly get people to do or act in a way which they might not have freely chosen on their own.
*
"Con'' people to believe what you want them to believe as true.
*
Get "your way'' in almost every interaction you have with people, places, or things.
*
Present reality the way you want others to see it rather than the way it "really is.''
*
Hide behind a "mask'' and let people see you in an acceptable way when in reality you are actually feeling or acting in an ``unacceptable'' way for these people.
*
Maintain control and power over others even though they think they have the control and power.
*
Make other people feel sorry for you even though it would be better for them to make you accept your personal responsibility for your own actions.
*
Get away with not having to do the things necessary to meet your obligations, responsibilities, and duties in life.
*
Involve everyone in your life's problems so that you do not have to face the problems alone.
*
Keep everything the same so that the "status quo'' is not affected or changed.
*
Make others feel guilty or responsible for actions or thoughts which are yours alone.
*
Get others to feel like they are responsible for your welfare so that you do not have to make a decision or take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in your life.
Manipulative Behavior Inventory
Directions: If you currently use any of the following behaviors in your relationships with people in your life, mark yes.
___ yes ___ no ( 1) Play the victim
___ yes ___ no ( 2) Play the martyr
___ yes ___ no ( 3) Act helpless
___ yes ___ no ( 4) Play stupid
___ yes ___ no ( 5) Act incompetent
___ yes ___ no ( 6) Act angry
___ yes ___ no ( 7) Throw temper tantrums
___ yes ___ no ( 8) Say "anything you want'' when you don't mean it
___ yes ___ no ( 9) Act compliant when you don't want to
___ yes ___ no (10) Lie about how you feel
___ yes ___ no (11) Act lost
___ yes ___ no (12) Act suicidal
___ yes ___ no (13) Act hopeless and pathetic
___ yes ___ no (14) Act depressed
___ yes ___ no (15) Act befuddled or confused
___ yes ___ no (16) Tell stories or fabrications
___ yes ___ no (17) Use hyperbole or exaggeration to build up problems
___ yes ___ no (18) Act as a "wedge'' between people keeping them divided against one another
___ yes ___ no (19) Act judgmental or shame people
___ yes ___ no (20) Use guilt trips
___ yes ___ no (21) Use ridicule
___ yes ___ no (22) "Cry wolf''
___ yes ___ no (23) "Looking good'' for the other
___ yes ___ no (24) People pleasing
___ yes ___ no (25) Passive aggressiveness
___ yes ___ no (26) Act hurt or wounded
___ yes ___ no (27) Act ignored or forgotten
___ yes ___ no (28) Act unloved or uncared for
___ yes ___ no (29) Blame others for your problems
___ yes ___ no (30) Kiss up
___ yes ___ no (31) Act overly solicitous
___ yes ___ no (32) Ingratiate yourself with others
___ yes ___ no (33) Exaggerated sincerity
___ yes ___ no (34) Overly charming
___ yes ___ no (35) Act "out of it''
___ yes ___ no (36) Act "sorry'' for your bad behaviors
___ yes ___ no (37) Insincere promising of change or reformation of behaviors
___ yes ___ no (38) Act as if you don't have value or worth
___ yes ___ no (39) Keep everybody upset to keep focus off you
___ yes ___ no (40) Keep people around you in competitive relationships
What are the negative effects of manipulation?
The negative effects of continued use of manipulation to control others are that:
*
People will wake up to your "con job'' on them and be no longer willing to support, assist, or help out when you need them.
*
You will become more likely to believe your own "con'' stories and fantasies and slip into a "pre-psychotic'' state with the inability to tell the difference between the reality and fantasy in your stories and lies.
*
You will get caught up in the need to continue to manipulate and con because it is the only way people will respond to you since they won't be able to relate to you as a "real'' or authentic person because that side of you is rarely shown.
*
People will find it difficult to fully trust you in the future and they will intentionally distance themselves from you for their own self-protection.
*
You run the risk of loss of a healthy "conscience'' and you will not be able to see the wrongness of your lying, conniving and storytelling.
*
People will be hurt by your behaviors because they will have opened themselves up to you by believing your "con job'' and then will be hit in the face by the reality of your scam on them.
*
You run the risk of being the recipient of others' anger, resentment, revenge seeking, hatred, or rage when they 'wake up'' to how they have been manipulated, used and abused.
*
You will use up enormous amounts of emotional energy in continuing your con of others and have little left to care for yourself.
*
You will experience a greater degree of stress and anxiety as time goes on and your con story line becomes more complex and people begin to pick apart the falsehood and dishonesty in your story.
*
You will experience depression and an emptiness as you realize that all of your success up to a point has been built like a "house of cards.''
*
Your low self-esteem will be exacerbated because of the lack of ability to take pride in your hard honest work to become everything you were capable of becoming.
How is manipulation a control issue?
Manipulation is a control issue because:
It can be a "politically savvy'' tool to handle over-controlling, intimidating, and autocratic people, places, or things, by giving the impression that the others have the "power'' when in reality you are freely doing what you need to do in order to politically survive and thus retain the "locus of control'' in your own hands.
The goal of manipulation is to control and overpower other people to do what you want them to do for you.
It is the unhealthy use of "power'' tactics to get something for yourself even if it robs others of their freedom of choice, reason, and rationality.
It uses control behaviors such as suicidal gestures to blackmail people to do and be for you the way you want them to be.
Sets up over controllers to rescue, as you get away with shifting your responsibility for yourself off on others, you will become more helpless so will seek out "fixers,'' "caretakers,'' and "rescuers'' to take care of you.
Hooks others since you might be an unchangeable and uncontrollable factor in someone else's life and yet keep that person "hooked'' into trying to ``be there'' for you when it becomes unhealthy or toxic for that person to continue to do so.
It involves dishonesty, deceit, use of masks, lack of clarity of messages sent, and pretense in order to get people to be the way you want them to be.
It can be a subtle use of control over others since you get them to do for you what they might not have freely chosen to do on their own will.
It is a form of mind control or brainwashing to control the thinking of others in a way which may not be consistent with their previous pattern of behavior, feeling or thinking.
Subversive means to get others to puppet what you lead them to do is use of power and control which is problematic and dangerous for those manipulated.
Power position since tt places the "manipulator'' in a power position in control of the emotions and reasoning of those being manipulated.
"Survival'' technique which allows you to retain control of your life to ensure you that no one takes advantage of you.
Power struggle tool, since in any struggle for power and control it is a tool'' which is used to catch the other side off guard in order to win'' the contest.
What irrational thinking leads to use of manipulation?
*
If you do not keep others hooked on being involved with you, you will end up being ignored, unaccepted, or unwanted.
*
Use of manipulation was the only way you have ever gotten what you needed in life so why should you learn new ways of achieving the same end.
*
Use any means you need to "win'' since "winning'' is all that counts in life.
*
Don't ever let others think they have the "upper hand'' on you so that they never can take advantage of you.
*
It is always better to show the "perfect'' you to people than to let them see the "real'' you.
*
There is a "sucker'' born every minute so if you work hard enough you can sucker someone into taking care of all of your needs.
*
You can fool all of the people all of the time in order to get what you want out of them.
*
You must get others deeply involved in your life's problems in order for you to feel important, the center of attention, cared for, approved of, and accepted.
*
You are most successful when you are able to "delegate'' to others what you need to be doing for yourself.
*
If it works use it; worry about the consequences later.
*
Perception is reality, all that people are concerned about is their perception about things not the truth or underlying reality of the real situation.
Ways to eliminate manipulation in your relationships
In order to cease using manipulation in your relationships with others, you can try these steps:
First: Identify what behaviors you are using in your relationships with others in order to manipulate them into doing what you want them to do for you.
Second: Identify what issues in your life you are not wanting to accept personal responsibility for and which lead you to manipulate others to ignore or take care of for you.
Third: Identify your feelings about the issues in your life that you manipulate others to address or ignore.
Fourth: Identify what irrational beliefs underlie your need to manipulate others to take over the responsibility for the issues in your life.
Fifth: Identify what new beliefs about these issues would make you more personally responsible and a more "authentic'' or "real'' person.
Sixth: Identify what fears block your taking personal responsibility for these issues in your life and thus lead you to manipulate others to ignore or take care of them for you.
Seventh: Identify new feelings about these issues which would help you to be more realistic and more responsible as you face these issues.
Eighth: Identify new healthy, more productive coping behaviors which you can put into practice which will help you to become more personally responsible and less manipulative.
Ninth: Inform those people you have been manipulating to take care of you that you are now going to take the full responsibility for these issues on your own.
Tenth: Seek support from people in your life to assist you not to fall back into manipulating others to ignore or to take care of these issues for you.
Eleventh: Give permission to the people in your life to "call you on it'' when you are falling back into the manipulative behaviors by which you try to control them to take responsibility for the issues in your life.
Twelfth: When you find yourself falling back into use of manipulation, return to the first step and start over again.
Steps to eliminating manipulation in your life
Step 1: In order to eliminate the use of manipulation in your life, you first need to identify the behaviors you use to manipulate others to ignore or take over responsibility for your care and your problem life issues. To identify your manipulative behaviors, use the Manipulative Behavior Inventory in the beginning of this chapter.
Step 2: Once you've identified the manipulative behaviors you use to get people to do things for you to ignore your problems or to keep them off guard, you then need to identify who are the people you manipulate. In your journal, identify the people you manipulate.
Step 3: Why do you manipulate others? Identify in your journal the issues present in your life which you manipulate others to address or ignore. Answer the following questions about these issues.
A. How do you feel about each of these issues?
B. Why do you feel a need to manipulate others concerning these issues?
C. Which issues do you want others to ignore or overlook?
D. Which issues do you want others to fix or change for you?
E. Which issues do you want others to feel responsible for?
F. Which issues overwhelm you? Which issues overwhelm others?
G. Which issues depress you? Anger you?
H. Which issues do you want to run away from?
I. Which issues do you feel helpless to deal with? Hopeless to cope with?
Step 4: In your journal now identify:
A. What irrational beliefs keep you from successfully coping with each issue identified in Step 3?
B. What new, healthy, more rational beliefs do you need in order to cope with and handle these issues?
C. What thinking keeps you from accepting personal responsibility for your problems and issues?
D. What new thinking do you need in order to accept personal responsibility for your own problems and issues?
Step 5: In your journal now identify what new, healthier, more productive behaviors you need to develop to address your problems and issues.
Step 6: Implement these new behaviors.
Step 7: Inform people of your old manipulative behaviors and give them permission to "call you on it'' if you fall back into old manipulative ways.
Step 8: If you find yourself relapsing back into manipulative behaviors to get people to ignore or take care of you, then return to Step 1 and begin over again.
Coping.org is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., Email: jjmess@tampabay.rr.com ©1999-2007 James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D. Note: Original materials on this site may be reproduced for your personal, educational, or noncommercial use as long as you credit the authors and website.
ma·nip·u·la·tion (m?-nip'y?-la'sh?n) pronunciation
n.
1.
1. The act or practice of manipulating.
2. The state of being manipulated.
2. Shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage.
[French, from manipule, handful, as of grain, from Latin manipulus, sheaf, handful. See maniple.]
that's from answers.com. i meant to look in a websters. i used to have an abridged oed, but that was two states ago. maybe its at the rodgriguez'?
anyhoo, i had to get this 'on paper'. get it? i don't think manipulative necessarily implies getting someone to do something they don't want. It may even be worse to manipulate someone into doing something they want to do. Deviousness is not a value we open celebrate, except in the cia. unless we're training this kid to be a spy. if you only knew how funny i am...
the first 'manipulative' that popped up on a google was from wikipedia. but i would have had to go to the disambiguation page. lololololol you cant make this stuff up.
i dont mean to be smug or overly assinine. but i guess thats part of it. when i have to have this conversation somebody gon get they feelins hurt. and sometimes you gotta suck it up and be something you hate if you think that's the best way to help somebody that needs it more (the help that is, not the hate).
manipulation pt 2
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Tools for Handling Control Issues
Eliminating Manipulation
Content:
* What is manipulation?
* Manipulative Behavior Inventory
* What are the negative effects of manipulation?
* How is manipulation a control issue?
* What irrational thinking leads to use of manipulation?
* Ways to eliminate manipulation in your relationships
* Steps to eliminating manipulation in your life
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is a set of behaviors whose goal is to:
*
Get you what you want from others even when the others are not willing initially to give it to you.
*
Make it seem to others that they have come up with an idea or offer of help on their own when in reality you have worked on them to promote this idea or need for help for your own benefit.
*
Dishonestly get people to do or act in a way which they might not have freely chosen on their own.
*
"Con'' people to believe what you want them to believe as true.
*
Get "your way'' in almost every interaction you have with people, places, or things.
*
Present reality the way you want others to see it rather than the way it "really is.''
*
Hide behind a "mask'' and let people see you in an acceptable way when in reality you are actually feeling or acting in an ``unacceptable'' way for these people.
*
Maintain control and power over others even though they think they have the control and power.
*
Make other people feel sorry for you even though it would be better for them to make you accept your personal responsibility for your own actions.
*
Get away with not having to do the things necessary to meet your obligations, responsibilities, and duties in life.
*
Involve everyone in your life's problems so that you do not have to face the problems alone.
*
Keep everything the same so that the "status quo'' is not affected or changed.
*
Make others feel guilty or responsible for actions or thoughts which are yours alone.
*
Get others to feel like they are responsible for your welfare so that you do not have to make a decision or take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in your life.
Manipulative Behavior Inventory
Directions: If you currently use any of the following behaviors in your relationships with people in your life, mark yes.
___ yes ___ no ( 1) Play the victim
___ yes ___ no ( 2) Play the martyr
___ yes ___ no ( 3) Act helpless
___ yes ___ no ( 4) Play stupid
___ yes ___ no ( 5) Act incompetent
___ yes ___ no ( 6) Act angry
___ yes ___ no ( 7) Throw temper tantrums
___ yes ___ no ( 8) Say "anything you want'' when you don't mean it
___ yes ___ no ( 9) Act compliant when you don't want to
___ yes ___ no (10) Lie about how you feel
___ yes ___ no (11) Act lost
___ yes ___ no (12) Act suicidal
___ yes ___ no (13) Act hopeless and pathetic
___ yes ___ no (14) Act depressed
___ yes ___ no (15) Act befuddled or confused
___ yes ___ no (16) Tell stories or fabrications
___ yes ___ no (17) Use hyperbole or exaggeration to build up problems
___ yes ___ no (18) Act as a "wedge'' between people keeping them divided against one another
___ yes ___ no (19) Act judgmental or shame people
___ yes ___ no (20) Use guilt trips
___ yes ___ no (21) Use ridicule
___ yes ___ no (22) "Cry wolf''
___ yes ___ no (23) "Looking good'' for the other
___ yes ___ no (24) People pleasing
___ yes ___ no (25) Passive aggressiveness
___ yes ___ no (26) Act hurt or wounded
___ yes ___ no (27) Act ignored or forgotten
___ yes ___ no (28) Act unloved or uncared for
___ yes ___ no (29) Blame others for your problems
___ yes ___ no (30) Kiss up
___ yes ___ no (31) Act overly solicitous
___ yes ___ no (32) Ingratiate yourself with others
___ yes ___ no (33) Exaggerated sincerity
___ yes ___ no (34) Overly charming
___ yes ___ no (35) Act "out of it''
___ yes ___ no (36) Act "sorry'' for your bad behaviors
___ yes ___ no (37) Insincere promising of change or reformation of behaviors
___ yes ___ no (38) Act as if you don't have value or worth
___ yes ___ no (39) Keep everybody upset to keep focus off you
___ yes ___ no (40) Keep people around you in competitive relationships
What are the negative effects of manipulation?
The negative effects of continued use of manipulation to control others are that:
*
People will wake up to your "con job'' on them and be no longer willing to support, assist, or help out when you need them.
*
You will become more likely to believe your own "con'' stories and fantasies and slip into a "pre-psychotic'' state with the inability to tell the difference between the reality and fantasy in your stories and lies.
*
You will get caught up in the need to continue to manipulate and con because it is the only way people will respond to you since they won't be able to relate to you as a "real'' or authentic person because that side of you is rarely shown.
*
People will find it difficult to fully trust you in the future and they will intentionally distance themselves from you for their own self-protection.
*
You run the risk of loss of a healthy "conscience'' and you will not be able to see the wrongness of your lying, conniving and storytelling.
*
People will be hurt by your behaviors because they will have opened themselves up to you by believing your "con job'' and then will be hit in the face by the reality of your scam on them.
*
You run the risk of being the recipient of others' anger, resentment, revenge seeking, hatred, or rage when they 'wake up'' to how they have been manipulated, used and abused.
*
You will use up enormous amounts of emotional energy in continuing your con of others and have little left to care for yourself.
*
You will experience a greater degree of stress and anxiety as time goes on and your con story line becomes more complex and people begin to pick apart the falsehood and dishonesty in your story.
*
You will experience depression and an emptiness as you realize that all of your success up to a point has been built like a "house of cards.''
*
Your low self-esteem will be exacerbated because of the lack of ability to take pride in your hard honest work to become everything you were capable of becoming.
How is manipulation a control issue?
Manipulation is a control issue because:
It can be a "politically savvy'' tool to handle over-controlling, intimidating, and autocratic people, places, or things, by giving the impression that the others have the "power'' when in reality you are freely doing what you need to do in order to politically survive and thus retain the "locus of control'' in your own hands.
The goal of manipulation is to control and overpower other people to do what you want them to do for you.
It is the unhealthy use of "power'' tactics to get something for yourself even if it robs others of their freedom of choice, reason, and rationality.
It uses control behaviors such as suicidal gestures to blackmail people to do and be for you the way you want them to be.
Sets up over controllers to rescue, as you get away with shifting your responsibility for yourself off on others, you will become more helpless so will seek out "fixers,'' "caretakers,'' and "rescuers'' to take care of you.
Hooks others since you might be an unchangeable and uncontrollable factor in someone else's life and yet keep that person "hooked'' into trying to ``be there'' for you when it becomes unhealthy or toxic for that person to continue to do so.
It involves dishonesty, deceit, use of masks, lack of clarity of messages sent, and pretense in order to get people to be the way you want them to be.
It can be a subtle use of control over others since you get them to do for you what they might not have freely chosen to do on their own will.
It is a form of mind control or brainwashing to control the thinking of others in a way which may not be consistent with their previous pattern of behavior, feeling or thinking.
Subversive means to get others to puppet what you lead them to do is use of power and control which is problematic and dangerous for those manipulated.
Power position since tt places the "manipulator'' in a power position in control of the emotions and reasoning of those being manipulated.
"Survival'' technique which allows you to retain control of your life to ensure you that no one takes advantage of you.
Power struggle tool, since in any struggle for power and control it is a tool'' which is used to catch the other side off guard in order to win'' the contest.
What irrational thinking leads to use of manipulation?
*
If you do not keep others hooked on being involved with you, you will end up being ignored, unaccepted, or unwanted.
*
Use of manipulation was the only way you have ever gotten what you needed in life so why should you learn new ways of achieving the same end.
*
Use any means you need to "win'' since "winning'' is all that counts in life.
*
Don't ever let others think they have the "upper hand'' on you so that they never can take advantage of you.
*
It is always better to show the "perfect'' you to people than to let them see the "real'' you.
*
There is a "sucker'' born every minute so if you work hard enough you can sucker someone into taking care of all of your needs.
*
You can fool all of the people all of the time in order to get what you want out of them.
*
You must get others deeply involved in your life's problems in order for you to feel important, the center of attention, cared for, approved of, and accepted.
*
You are most successful when you are able to "delegate'' to others what you need to be doing for yourself.
*
If it works use it; worry about the consequences later.
*
Perception is reality, all that people are concerned about is their perception about things not the truth or underlying reality of the real situation.
Ways to eliminate manipulation in your relationships
In order to cease using manipulation in your relationships with others, you can try these steps:
First: Identify what behaviors you are using in your relationships with others in order to manipulate them into doing what you want them to do for you.
Second: Identify what issues in your life you are not wanting to accept personal responsibility for and which lead you to manipulate others to ignore or take care of for you.
Third: Identify your feelings about the issues in your life that you manipulate others to address or ignore.
Fourth: Identify what irrational beliefs underlie your need to manipulate others to take over the responsibility for the issues in your life.
Fifth: Identify what new beliefs about these issues would make you more personally responsible and a more "authentic'' or "real'' person.
Sixth: Identify what fears block your taking personal responsibility for these issues in your life and thus lead you to manipulate others to ignore or take care of them for you.
Seventh: Identify new feelings about these issues which would help you to be more realistic and more responsible as you face these issues.
Eighth: Identify new healthy, more productive coping behaviors which you can put into practice which will help you to become more personally responsible and less manipulative.
Ninth: Inform those people you have been manipulating to take care of you that you are now going to take the full responsibility for these issues on your own.
Tenth: Seek support from people in your life to assist you not to fall back into manipulating others to ignore or to take care of these issues for you.
Eleventh: Give permission to the people in your life to "call you on it'' when you are falling back into the manipulative behaviors by which you try to control them to take responsibility for the issues in your life.
Twelfth: When you find yourself falling back into use of manipulation, return to the first step and start over again.
Steps to eliminating manipulation in your life
Step 1: In order to eliminate the use of manipulation in your life, you first need to identify the behaviors you use to manipulate others to ignore or take over responsibility for your care and your problem life issues. To identify your manipulative behaviors, use the Manipulative Behavior Inventory in the beginning of this chapter.
Step 2: Once you've identified the manipulative behaviors you use to get people to do things for you to ignore your problems or to keep them off guard, you then need to identify who are the people you manipulate. In your journal, identify the people you manipulate.
Step 3: Why do you manipulate others? Identify in your journal the issues present in your life which you manipulate others to address or ignore. Answer the following questions about these issues.
A. How do you feel about each of these issues?
B. Why do you feel a need to manipulate others concerning these issues?
C. Which issues do you want others to ignore or overlook?
D. Which issues do you want others to fix or change for you?
E. Which issues do you want others to feel responsible for?
F. Which issues overwhelm you? Which issues overwhelm others?
G. Which issues depress you? Anger you?
H. Which issues do you want to run away from?
I. Which issues do you feel helpless to deal with? Hopeless to cope with?
Step 4: In your journal now identify:
A. What irrational beliefs keep you from successfully coping with each issue identified in Step 3?
B. What new, healthy, more rational beliefs do you need in order to cope with and handle these issues?
C. What thinking keeps you from accepting personal responsibility for your problems and issues?
D. What new thinking do you need in order to accept personal responsibility for your own problems and issues?
Step 5: In your journal now identify what new, healthier, more productive behaviors you need to develop to address your problems and issues.
Step 6: Implement these new behaviors.
Step 7: Inform people of your old manipulative behaviors and give them permission to "call you on it'' if you fall back into old manipulative ways.
Step 8: If you find yourself relapsing back into manipulative behaviors to get people to ignore or take care of you, then return to Step 1 and begin over again.
Coping.org is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., Email: jjmess@tampabay.rr.com ©1999-2007 James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D. Note: Original materials on this site may be reproduced for your personal, educational, or noncommercial use as long as you credit the authors and website.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
quittin time
this is informal notice to my co-workers. i'm serious this time. i will be moving back to california this summer to hang with my grandparents and figure out where i'm going to gradschool. thus, i will giving notice most likely mid june. i want everyone to be as prepared as possible, tho i will likely only give 30 days notice. i'm really trying to strike a balance between my interests and those of the building and agency (really, those of the kids and staff).
I don't want you to worry. the building is in very stable, and will continue to be so if you continue to make the solid efforts you do every day. Change and fluctuation are inevitable and help make the future interesting. And considering my review, maybe you'll even get someone better than me.
I don't want you to worry. the building is in very stable, and will continue to be so if you continue to make the solid efforts you do every day. Change and fluctuation are inevitable and help make the future interesting. And considering my review, maybe you'll even get someone better than me.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
myspam™ - brought to you by the paper trail
myspam™: the survey / anti-hackage advice massive
Category: Blogging
myspam™: the survey
Category: Quiz/Survey
so, in conversation with my roomates i just coined the term myspam™. i'm sure plenty of people have used this term, but i aint seen it in print. i'm sure myspace is going to start jerking me around here pretty soon, but i have become apathetic about mycontinuous™ existence onmyline™. i'm having fun, its my party, and i'll blog about myspam™ if i want to.
but really, i want to know something from you. most of us know about the increase of phished accounts used for myspam™™. have you gotten any that are really funny or interesting? beyond selling me natural male enhancement, or ringtones. i mean if thats all you get, that's cool. i still want to hear about it. i mean its not cool, but that's the point. you can also read the forward which has much good advice. or u can just revel in myspam™™™.
Currently Listening :
Spam
By Lizard
Release date: By 27 April, 2006
8:31 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
don't let your account be used to send me spam!!!
Category: Blogging
MySpace Hackers Repost
Body: This is about people who might try to hack your profile.
Better be on the safe side.
I read a bulletin yesterday that said HACKERS are going to launch a FULL THROTTLE attack on MySpace in April. But I've already seen an increase in accounts being HACKED......filling BULLETINS and COMMENTS with SPAM. It's going to take ALL OF US to fight back.....so follow some simple RULES.
1. CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD And don't use the same password for your email! Hackers can steal more than your MySpace if they get into your email!!
2. Change your COMMENT SETTINGS so you have to APPROVE any comments. If you see a suspicious comments about Ringtones, Single Women, Penis size, or any sort of ADVERTISING.........deny it immediately and send a MESSAGE to that person.....because they won't have any idea that they were HACKED!
3. READ YOUR BULLETINS!! BE PROACTIVE!! If you see those stupid bulletins about Ringtones/hot girls/etc....anything that you know was not sent by that person.........you know their account has been hacked......send them a message and tell them to change their password! Link back here if you must!
I have warned MANY MANY people.......some of their MySpaces are completely destroyed....eventually you won't even be able to LOG in to your account!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE ON MYSPACE!!
Have you noticed weird bulletins posted by your friends lately? Instead of surveys and games, it looks like they're advertising ringtones for songs they don't even like, or telling you to smoke pot when they're not even a pot smoker?
If so, it probably means their MySpace profile has been phished, and yours could be next.
Profile thieves are stealing MySpace profiles left and right so they can spam other people, and in some cases, they manage to steal more than just your MySpace.
Here's how they usually steal it:
They post a message, bulletin, or comment containing a Flash file. It might be disguised as a game, or lately there's one that says, "Click here if you like to smoke pot." But in reality, it's just a trap to steal your MySpace.
Without you realizing it, the Flash file automatically redirects you to a different website where the thief has set up a copycat of the MySpace login page. What it looks like to you is, "Oh, stupid MySpace logged me out again." And so you enter your username and password, and bingo -- they just stole your profile. Since you were on a copycat site, it didn't log you in. It just stored the email and password you entered in a big file, and now that profile thief is going to use your account to spam people.
But the danger doesn't end there. The person who stole your profile knows that you can always change your password and lock them out of your account. So now, they try to take over your profile entirely. If they see your email address ends in yahoo.com or hotmail.com, they go to your email login page and try to log in to your email account with the same password. Many people use the same password for their email account and their MySpace profile, and if you're one of those people, now the thief has access to your email, too.
And check this out -- once they have access to your email, they can start sending lost password requests to PayPal, AIM, Yahoo Messenger, eBay, or anywhere else you might have an account, and they can now reset your passwords on other systems, and even change the email address on your MySpace profile to their own address so you can never log in again!
Don't be fooled into thinking that MySpace will let you back in to your profile once it gets stolen and you can no longer log in.
If this happens, MySpace will ask you to send a digital picture of yourself so they can see if you are pictured in the account that you say was stolen. If the spammer has deleted all of the face pics in your profile (which they usually do), then MySpace won't do anything at all because you have no way to prove the profile is really yours.
But if they see your picture in the account you say was stolen, MySpace still won't give you access to the account -- they'll just DELETE IT. And now the spammer can't use it anymore, but you will have lost all of your messages, photos, and comments and you'll have to start all over again.
Here's how you can protect yourself from profile thieves:
1. Change your MySpace password right now. Even if you haven't seen weird bulletins yet, your account info may have been stolen already and the thief just hasn't used it yet. They steal thousands of profiles at a time, and yours could be sitting in some spammer's list just waiting to be hijacked.
2. Change the password to your email address right now. It's no good just changing your MySpace password, because if they can get into your email account, they can still steal your profile.
3. IMPORTANT: Make sure your new email password and your new MySpace password are not the same!
4. Never click on a link in a bulletin, message, or comment that looks suspicious. It's probably a trap to steal your profile.
5. If it EVER looks like MySpace has logged you out, don't enter your email and password. Instead, type 'www.myspace.com' in the address bar and hit enter to make sure you are still on the real MySpace website and not a copycat site.
6. If you see weird bulletins showing up from your friends, message them right away to tell them their profile has been stolen and advise them to change BOTH their MySpace password and their email account's password. Most people don't see the bulletins their account is posting until it's too late.
7. Repost this to all of your freinds! We must stop this!
Currently Listening :
Contra los Roboticos Mutantes
By Spam Allstars
Category: Blogging
myspam™: the survey
Category: Quiz/Survey
so, in conversation with my roomates i just coined the term myspam™. i'm sure plenty of people have used this term, but i aint seen it in print. i'm sure myspace is going to start jerking me around here pretty soon, but i have become apathetic about mycontinuous™ existence onmyline™. i'm having fun, its my party, and i'll blog about myspam™ if i want to.
but really, i want to know something from you. most of us know about the increase of phished accounts used for myspam™™. have you gotten any that are really funny or interesting? beyond selling me natural male enhancement, or ringtones. i mean if thats all you get, that's cool. i still want to hear about it. i mean its not cool, but that's the point. you can also read the forward which has much good advice. or u can just revel in myspam™™™.
Currently Listening :
Spam
By Lizard
Release date: By 27 April, 2006
8:31 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
don't let your account be used to send me spam!!!
Category: Blogging
MySpace Hackers Repost
Body: This is about people who might try to hack your profile.
Better be on the safe side.
I read a bulletin yesterday that said HACKERS are going to launch a FULL THROTTLE attack on MySpace in April. But I've already seen an increase in accounts being HACKED......filling BULLETINS and COMMENTS with SPAM. It's going to take ALL OF US to fight back.....so follow some simple RULES.
1. CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD And don't use the same password for your email! Hackers can steal more than your MySpace if they get into your email!!
2. Change your COMMENT SETTINGS so you have to APPROVE any comments. If you see a suspicious comments about Ringtones, Single Women, Penis size, or any sort of ADVERTISING.........deny it immediately and send a MESSAGE to that person.....because they won't have any idea that they were HACKED!
3. READ YOUR BULLETINS!! BE PROACTIVE!! If you see those stupid bulletins about Ringtones/hot girls/etc....anything that you know was not sent by that person.........you know their account has been hacked......send them a message and tell them to change their password! Link back here if you must!
I have warned MANY MANY people.......some of their MySpaces are completely destroyed....eventually you won't even be able to LOG in to your account!
PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE ON MYSPACE!!
Have you noticed weird bulletins posted by your friends lately? Instead of surveys and games, it looks like they're advertising ringtones for songs they don't even like, or telling you to smoke pot when they're not even a pot smoker?
If so, it probably means their MySpace profile has been phished, and yours could be next.
Profile thieves are stealing MySpace profiles left and right so they can spam other people, and in some cases, they manage to steal more than just your MySpace.
Here's how they usually steal it:
They post a message, bulletin, or comment containing a Flash file. It might be disguised as a game, or lately there's one that says, "Click here if you like to smoke pot." But in reality, it's just a trap to steal your MySpace.
Without you realizing it, the Flash file automatically redirects you to a different website where the thief has set up a copycat of the MySpace login page. What it looks like to you is, "Oh, stupid MySpace logged me out again." And so you enter your username and password, and bingo -- they just stole your profile. Since you were on a copycat site, it didn't log you in. It just stored the email and password you entered in a big file, and now that profile thief is going to use your account to spam people.
But the danger doesn't end there. The person who stole your profile knows that you can always change your password and lock them out of your account. So now, they try to take over your profile entirely. If they see your email address ends in yahoo.com or hotmail.com, they go to your email login page and try to log in to your email account with the same password. Many people use the same password for their email account and their MySpace profile, and if you're one of those people, now the thief has access to your email, too.
And check this out -- once they have access to your email, they can start sending lost password requests to PayPal, AIM, Yahoo Messenger, eBay, or anywhere else you might have an account, and they can now reset your passwords on other systems, and even change the email address on your MySpace profile to their own address so you can never log in again!
Don't be fooled into thinking that MySpace will let you back in to your profile once it gets stolen and you can no longer log in.
If this happens, MySpace will ask you to send a digital picture of yourself so they can see if you are pictured in the account that you say was stolen. If the spammer has deleted all of the face pics in your profile (which they usually do), then MySpace won't do anything at all because you have no way to prove the profile is really yours.
But if they see your picture in the account you say was stolen, MySpace still won't give you access to the account -- they'll just DELETE IT. And now the spammer can't use it anymore, but you will have lost all of your messages, photos, and comments and you'll have to start all over again.
Here's how you can protect yourself from profile thieves:
1. Change your MySpace password right now. Even if you haven't seen weird bulletins yet, your account info may have been stolen already and the thief just hasn't used it yet. They steal thousands of profiles at a time, and yours could be sitting in some spammer's list just waiting to be hijacked.
2. Change the password to your email address right now. It's no good just changing your MySpace password, because if they can get into your email account, they can still steal your profile.
3. IMPORTANT: Make sure your new email password and your new MySpace password are not the same!
4. Never click on a link in a bulletin, message, or comment that looks suspicious. It's probably a trap to steal your profile.
5. If it EVER looks like MySpace has logged you out, don't enter your email and password. Instead, type 'www.myspace.com' in the address bar and hit enter to make sure you are still on the real MySpace website and not a copycat site.
6. If you see weird bulletins showing up from your friends, message them right away to tell them their profile has been stolen and advise them to change BOTH their MySpace password and their email account's password. Most people don't see the bulletins their account is posting until it's too late.
7. Repost this to all of your freinds! We must stop this!
Currently Listening :
Contra los Roboticos Mutantes
By Spam Allstars
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